There is so much pain in being misunderstood -- not just by one person, but by the people I love the most.
I feel like they have all turned against me.
Like I am standing alone while they stand together.
I have been called controlling.
Abusive.
A homewrecker.
Dead to my own child.
These are words I never imagined would be used against me by the very people I gave my life to.
And it cuts deeply.
I see how their father influences them.
I see how his voice carries weight in their lives now.
And I feel like I am losing ground -- not because I stopped loving them, but because I no longer have the same place, the same presence, the same resources.
There is a part of me that feels replaced.
Like I no longer matter in the same way.
Like I am the one left behind.
Even the smallest things hurt -- like not being acknowledged when he leaves, like being made to feel like I do not belong in my own space.
And I carry all of this while dealing with my health, my medications, my own fears.
It is too much some days.
And I do not know where to place all this pain.
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